This Post is Rated X

WARNING!

Sexual Content

Discussion of male body parts....dog male body parts that is....sorry.

If you are offended by such things, or are easily grossed out...

STOP READING NOW!

DO NOT CONTINUE!

This rant could get gross and offensive.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Anyone still there?

Of course you are.

You want to know what the heck I am going to rant about now.

Well, here it goes...

Male dogs that have NOT been neutered!!

Yes! This bothers me.

A lot.

Only it may not be for the obvious reason.

Of course, I would like to see all my customers male dogs neutered to help control unnecessary breeding, but I am not here to climb on top of that soapbox.

My rant is purely from a groomers stand point.

I bet that there are a lot of groomers out there that have the same rant.

Grooming un-neutered male dogs can be disgusting.

First there is the smell.

Sometimes you can smell them as soon as they enter your lobby.

There is nothing like the smell of an un-neutered male dogs urine when they have peed all over their own hair.

Smelly, sticky, yellow, yucky hair.

Don't even get me started on the owners that want me to keep hair on the end of the penis so the dogs pee will be directed to the ground.

Where in the world did that myth come from?

You bathe them, once, twice, three times trying to get the smell out.

Forget about getting the yellow stain  all of the way out of the hair.

Your best bet is to talk the owner into letting you shave all, and as much hair as you can from the belly and penis.

I also try to talk the customer into clipping a pathway above the penis, halfway up to the chest, so that no hair is left to hang down in the way of that stinky, yellow stream.

Next, the marking...everywhere and on everything!

Just the other day I had an un-neutered male Schnauzer in that managed to hit about four spots in my lobby before I was able to pick him up and stop him.

The owner certainly wasn't stopping him!

To top that off, when she came to pick up, another customer stopped the Schnauzer owner to talk to her as she was leaving with the dog.

After about five minutes of conversation the owner said; "let me get him out of here before he does something."

Really!!??

I stood there and watched her leave.

Then I turned around to go get the mop.

That Schnauzer had managed to hit every place in my lobby.

Everyplace!

The chairs, the table, the counter (in several places), the bookshelf, the middle of the floor, my plants...everywhere!

There are also the un-neutered males that continually pee in their kennel.

Before you bathe them.

After you bathe them.

You clean it up and they pee again, and again, and again.

It is never ending.

Then there is the sniffing.

It is not regular sniffing.

It is horny sniffing.

They sniff at your arms.

They sniff at your smock to smell all of the other dogs you have been holding.

They sniff and slobber all over your table.

You try to lift their head to work on it, but it is like their nose is glued to the table.

Their neck is so stiff from their determination to keep their nose to your table that you feel their neck will snap if you try to lift their head.

You finally get them to lift their head and the slobber and drool hanging off of their beard and mustache, (that you just finished cleaning and drying), is now disgusting.

Also the constant checking and licking. 

Checking to make sure that their penis and scrotum is still there.

Licking to make sure that their penis and scrotum is still there.

Lets not forget dealing with the matted scrotum's.

They almost always have some kind of matting up right in the fold, where the scrotum and belly meet.

You have to try to clip those mats out of the tight fold, on a dog that protects that scrotum as if it were the Hope Diamond.

They twist and turn to see what you are doing.

They try to lick their scrotum as you are trying to clip out the mats.

Lets not even talk about how close you have to get your face to that part of the dogs anatomy to make sure that you don't nick them while they are twisting and turning.

How many times do you beg them to stand still so that you don't neuter them the hard way?

Then there is the ultimate horny.

The un-neutered males that get so worked up and horny that things are exposed.

You have to wait for them to to put that thing back where it belongs. 

 

Then things are humped.

They try to hump your hand.

They try to hump your arm.

When you back away so that they can't get your arm or hand, they hump the air.

So you stand there waiting for the horny moment to pass.

Then you start to groom again praying that you don't do or touch something that will start the humping again.

I was just wondering...would it be considered animal abuse if I dumped a bucket of cold water on them.

Oh never mind..then I would just have to dry them all over again. :/

Lastly, the worst.

Worse than humping?

Oh ya.

Ejaculation.

Yes, you read that right.

Remember, I warned you.

Thankfully it doesn't happen often.

As a matter of fact it has only happened a couple of times.

A couple of times too many.

The very first time it happened I had only been grooming for a year.

I had had  a couple of dogs hump before, so I wasn't surprised when the miniature black Poodle that I was grooming started to hump.

He had been showing all of the signs.

The sniffing.

The trying to grab my arm.

Constantly licking himself.

So, when he started to hump, I stopped grooming and waited for him to stop.

98% of the time they will stop if you back away.

This guy didn't stop.

Oh no, he just kept right on going, faster and faster...till he ejaculated all over my table!

I had never seen this before.

I was in shock.

My boss at the time laughed his a** off.

He also blamed me for exciting the dog.

Needless to say, I was not happy.

After cleaning up my table I tried to groom the dog again.

He did it again!

And again!

Three times.

I was beyond upset and disgusted.

I also got no help from my boss at all.

To top it all off, when I told the owner how hard of a time I had grooming his dog and why, he was actually proud of his dog.

I don't know who I wanted to hit more.

The 20 something macho man owner of the Poodle, or my boss who thought that the whole thing was one big fat joke.

That was 27 years ago.

It wasn't until about a year ago when I had another dog do the same thing.

This dog only did it once.

Once is too much.

I don't get paid enough to deal with all of this.

I will continue to try to talk all of my customers into neutering their dogs.

I will also continue to think about refusing to groom un-neutered male dogs.

Okay...I feel better now.

Happy Grooming, MFF